Narrator: It’s a beautiful day in Hyrule, in Ordon Village.
Narrator: Wait, I only have three sentences? Damn Adam.
It’s morning, and a shadowy figure, (Ilia) is
leading Epona away to the Ordon Spring. Link races after her,
and punches her in the back. Ilia falls to the ground.
That’s for stealing my… Ilia!?
*groans* ugh… What the hell was that, Link? I was just going to
bang… I mean wash your horse for you!
scene of Hyrule field unfolds, with the Legend of Smellda,
Twilight Pimpcess logo, etc.
is at the Ordon Ranch with Fado, Epona is nearby, they are
And I will pay you, Link! Someday…
Boss, you’ve never paid me at all.
Then how do you explain your huge tree house?
scene of Link letting loose goats, then in Fado’s house reaching
for his wallet.
Uh, welfare checks?
motions to Epona.
Listen, do this well, and I’ll double your pay.
is seen returning to his house, and Talo is there.
Beth, and Malo are at a tree house:
Hey, Link! Get up!
old man opens the door.
man: Some people are trying to sleep here you pesky kids!
with small letters in CC: Wrong house.
What did you say Malo? I can’t hear you over your short letters!
to the shop
Good Day Link!
Hey, I’d like to buy that Slingshot you have there.
holds up the slingshot above his head. The Dun Dun Dun Dunn
Link, what are you doing?
This is classic, isn’t it? I get an item and hold it up above my
No, that is done in all other Zelda games. In this one you just
hold it in front of you.
Oh, excuse me.
holds it in front of him. The Dun Dun Dun Dunn music plays
in Ordon Village:
is riding Epona, with the package in hand. Ilia races to him.
Link, you’re going to Hyrule!
Bo: Link, come here for a second…
gets off his horse, and starts talking to Bo. Behind them, Ilia
sneaks off with Epona.
Hey! Where’s Epona?
the spring, Ilia is talking to Epona.
(to Epona): No, I am not lesbi- hey, Link!
What are you doing to my horse?
Suddenly, the big Bublins come on boars, and Ilia and Link start
running away. Ilia is shot in the back with an arrow, and Link
is hit with a club. Ilia is slung over the Bublin’s shoulder,
who mutters “we’ll be having fun tonight!”
wakes up in a daze, and sees stars and other hallucinations due
to his concussion from the club.
Ok, no more LSD for me…
staggers up and races across the bridge. A hand reaches him and
thrusts him into the twilight…
Go to Part II